You’ve seen it before: an intelligent woman keeps dating the wrong men. She should know better than pick men who are flaky and full of themselves, yet she keeps dating men that are just plain wrong for her. And then she seems surprised when each new man ends up disappointing her—and breaking her heart.
So if this keeps happening to your friends (or yourself), it’s time to examine why this pattern keeps repeating.
based upon my personal observations and the interviews I have conducted with women, there are three primary reasons why women get into the habit of attracting men that aren’t right for them.
First, they don’t really know what they want in a man. Oh sure, they think they know what they want. They get all twitterpated when they see a handsome man with a great smile and a devilish twinkle in his eye. His body is ripped, he is oozing with masculine energy and he drives a sweet car. Somewhere, deep in the primitive part of their brains, a thought is triggered: “He’s so hot!”
That may be true. He is very attractive. And that’s a wonderful thing. But if you want this man to be more than a casual fling, he better have some of the non-physical qualities that you really want in a potential boyfriend or husband.
If you’ve never actually written down what qualities you’re looking for in a romantic partner, do it now. If you love a man with a good sense of humor, write it down. If trustworthiness is important to you, put it on the list. Write down all the things that really matter to you—kindness, dependability, passion, prosperity, integrity, a sense of adventure, etc.
Second, too many women settle for less than they should. Even when they know what they want in a man (like you do, because you’ve got a list!), they fall back into the “any man is better than no man” approach. Sorry ladies, but if you’re looking for someone who you really want to be with for a long time, continuing to settle for men who aren’t right for you just perpetuates the pattern of wrong men.
Now, I don’t want you to think I am picking on women. Men are way worse than women when it comes to picking the wrong romantic partners. Then they get freaked out and run—and that’s one reason why men have such a bad reputation for being afraid of commitment. They’ve chosen the wrong woman and, at some level, they know it. So they bail.
The third common reason that women choose the wrong men is they start believing that they can’t find a good man or they don’t deserve a good man. Ladies, there are plenty of good, single men out there. And many of those good men are looking for a good woman so they can “settle down” into a healthy, happy, committed and monogamous relationship.
But unless you know what you really want, don’t settle for less, and believe that you can find the man of your dreams, you’ll probably keep finding yourself with the wrong man.
You don’t want that, do you?
Chad Stone is a dating expert and the author Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, which tells his story of finding true love after divorce. The book provides women an insightful look at how a single man navigates the dating world. Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is available as an eBook from Amazon Kindle. Visit Chad Stone’s blog at http://middleagedbabemagnet.blogspot.com/
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